Last week I wrote about airplanes, this week I want to talk
about hangers. Hangers, not hangars. Although closely related,
somewhere down the line hangers drew the short end of the stick and evolved
into this instead of this. Evolution’s a snitch.
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| It's not pink, it's salmon. |
So right now, I’m sure you’re wondering why I opened up this
post with a lame joke and a homonym – you’re probably starting to think that
I’m finally running low on #TallPeopleProblems. Rest easy, fellow sapiens, as
that is not the case! Hangers cause serious issues to tall people and the
shirts we wear. Seriously.
It wasn’t until my sophomore year in kindergarten, when I
had to start wearing XXL t-shirts and sweaters, that I encountered my first
hanger catastrophe. I was in the business of looking fresher than spring rolls
at the time and hung my clothes in my closet to prevent unsightly creases
caused by folding my shirts. Imagine my dismay when I threw my wrinkle-free,
cotton-T, helluva-good-looking shirt over my head to discover what looked like
the silhouettes of God and Satan chilling on my shoulder.
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| The similarities between Kronk and I are uncanny. |
Naturally, I was appalled upon seeing this ghastly sight,
and tore the shirt off with all the ferocity of a pre-teen hulk. When I looked
closer, I discovered the culprit to be the hanger I was using. The problem with
XXL shirts is that, while they are generally long enough to prevent an exposed
belly button, they’re also wider in the shoulder region, causing the ends of
the hanger to stretch out the area of the shirt between the collar and the shoulder
seam. Since this tragic event, my life and treatment of my clothes has been
revolutionized. Instead of hanging up my clothes, you can bet that all of my
short sleeve T’s get the trifold treatment.
Help! I may or may not be running low on ideas! If you’ve
got a suggestion for me from past experiences leave a comment below!
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