Okay, so before I start getting hate mail, and letters tying
to recruit me for population control (I’m talking to you India and China), I
don’t actually step on mini-you’s. For the most part, I try to avoid them as
best I can, usually by doing some crossbred dance move resembling a poorly
choreographed mix of the shuffle and the hokey pokey. Back me up tall guys and
gals, in an effort to avoid running over other people, we are forced to break
into spontaneous dance with alarming regularity. Whenever our dance moves fail however,
and we end up knocking somebody over, it’s somehow always our fault. I don’t
understand it.
What most people don’t realize is that being of average stature is advantageous here; everybody around is practically right at eye level. Average humans are capable of seeing the tops of children’s heads or the belly button of someone tall. Giants, like myself, can’t see smaller people and casually enjoy the scenery around us at the same time. This has nothing to do with our height – tall people are simply terrible multitaskers.
Seriously though, imagine walking in the park, and suddenly
you smell something awful. Chances are, you just stepped in poop left behind by
an evil dog or some disturbed individual. It’s the same concept with tall
people running into the vertically limited, except in this scenario, we’re the
person walking in the park, and short people are the poop. No offense.
The logic behind why us tall people take the blame for these encounters escapes me. I stand at 6’6”, 260 lbs. – I am not a small guy by any means and I would like to think I’m pretty hard to miss. I have been described as a wall, a refrigerator, and several other large inanimate objects. How is it that short people keep falling victim to the bottom of my shoes? Can they not see me? When I’m walking around the house, I don’t run into my refrigerator, or my dresser, or the walls. I run into the chandeliers and the light fixtures, but that’s a different story.
The bottom line is that it’s not our fault, and most of us don’t step on shorter individuals on purpose. In fact, on behalf of all the tall people of the world, I apologize for all the times you’ve been run into. I can honestly say, we didn’t see you down there.
On a brief side note, a coworker of mine said to me yesterday, “I remember when I was tall.” Along the same lines, I remember when I was Bill Gates… except that I’m not, and never was.
Loved it? Hated it? Got something to share? Comment below!
What most people don’t realize is that being of average stature is advantageous here; everybody around is practically right at eye level. Average humans are capable of seeing the tops of children’s heads or the belly button of someone tall. Giants, like myself, can’t see smaller people and casually enjoy the scenery around us at the same time. This has nothing to do with our height – tall people are simply terrible multitaskers.
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This is a tall's-eye-view of an average person
The logic behind why us tall people take the blame for these encounters escapes me. I stand at 6’6”, 260 lbs. – I am not a small guy by any means and I would like to think I’m pretty hard to miss. I have been described as a wall, a refrigerator, and several other large inanimate objects. How is it that short people keep falling victim to the bottom of my shoes? Can they not see me? When I’m walking around the house, I don’t run into my refrigerator, or my dresser, or the walls. I run into the chandeliers and the light fixtures, but that’s a different story.
The bottom line is that it’s not our fault, and most of us don’t step on shorter individuals on purpose. In fact, on behalf of all the tall people of the world, I apologize for all the times you’ve been run into. I can honestly say, we didn’t see you down there.
On a brief side note, a coworker of mine said to me yesterday, “I remember when I was tall.” Along the same lines, I remember when I was Bill Gates… except that I’m not, and never was.
Loved it? Hated it? Got something to share? Comment below!
As a short person I can admit i've fallen victim to being stepped on. I honestly don't know why it happens and I wish it didn't because it really hurts. OUCH!
ReplyDeleteYou know what really stinks? Being blown away by the wind.
ReplyDeleteYes, this has happened. I consider you lucky. Although it is unfortunate when my boyfriend (who is an entire foot taller than me) trips over me. Three years of being together and this is almost a daily hassle of mine...