When individuals of average height are snuggled under the
sheets of their bed, they tend to comfortably stretch across their mattress. My
girlfriend is a master at this; put her in a California king-sized mattress,
and I guarantee you, her hands and feet will be as close to the four corners as
her 5’ 1” frame will allow her to reach. In order for tall people to do this
though, a new mattress needs to be invented pronto.
Recently I upgraded to a queen-sized bed after getting tired
of having to curl up into a ball to fit onto my old twin. I was so excited to
sleep in what I thought was a gargantuan mattress with a cloudy pillow-top… until
my first night. I don’t understand what happened. It seemed like overnight, the
mattress shrunk to five percent of its original size; what initially felt like an entire
floor of heavenly goodness morphed into a single square of slightly cushioned,
double-quilted, Charmin Ultra. As you can imagine, sleeping is quite difficult on
something no bigger than a sheet of toilet paper. On a nightly basis, my limbs wander
until they are hanging over the bed into the abyss that is the rest of the
room. Oftentimes, my arms and legs will fall asleep before I do, the veins and
arteries suffocated by the pressure of the edge of the bed. Nowadays, I find
myself laying on the bed, lost in deep thought. ‘If only, maybe… I didn’t have
shins…yes, then I would be able to get comfortable.’
In situations like this, I envy short people and their
ability to deftly maneuver themselves to fit perfectly into tiny areas. They’re
like little smart cars; you normally want to drive something cool, like a minivan
or a tank, until you find yourself parallel parking. Alas, it seems I’m going
to have to do what all tall people must: turn my room into a large foam pit.
Loved it? Hated it? Got something to share? Comment below!
Really good post, man. I loved the smart car analogy at the end. And if you ever don't make your point in a post, your profile pic will serve as evidence - you're towering. haha. The part about your limbs falling asleep from a lack of circulation was pretty scary though. I'm 6'1" and my feet hang off the edge of my bed, so I can only imagine.
ReplyDeleteI loved this blog Chris ... Such good humour dealing with your predicament. Being a not so tall not so short kinda gal I can't begin to imagine my limbs not fitting within the confines of a twin bed much less a queen sized one! Might I suggest you try something like a futon bed ... Your limbs prob won't 'hang' so much over the edge! Just trying to help! ;-}
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