I've got more bruises on my head than a ripe peach. #TallPeopleProblems

First of all, it’s important to mention that I don’t bruise easily. My skin is like rhino hide. I once crashed into the pavement on a bike, stood up and apologized. Rhino hide. The top of my head however, has come into contact with so many objects so frequently that it’s about as smooth as the surface of a golf ball. Looking down, I see all the round symmetrical heads of my peers pass by. As I bear witness to these perfect skulls, I can’t help but think about how dimpled a tall individuals head must be in comparison.

One of the most frequent comments I hear from short people when they see me is, “I wish I was tall!” No. No you don’t. If this blog has taught you anything, it’s that there are more than enough tall people around to do your reaching for you; you don’t need to be tall yourself. It’s dangerous.

Short individuals worry about being overlooked, or not standing out in a crowd. That may sound like a problem, but it’s got benefits of it’s own. These benefits are namely that short people would make awesome ninjas and they also don’t have to worry about being concussed by stationary objects.

To put this into perspective, I’ve come up with a list of some things that I constantly find myself hitting my head on. Most things on this list are easily avoidable by people of average stature. For bonus points, try reading this list out loud in a single breath.

- Ceiling lights

- Outdoor lights

- Light posts with unusually large lights

- Anything lowering the clearance height underneath doorframes (i.e. pull-up bars)

- Clouds

- Low hanging branches

- Open cabinets (like the metal one pictured below)

- Shelves

- Fans (God forbid it actually be turned on. Instant decapitation)

- Hanging wall clocks

- Key rungs

- Coat hooks (Have you ever wondered why there are more tall people than short with eye patches? Two words: Coat hooks.)

- Stop signs

- Yield signs

- “Caution: this sign is sharp” signs (these exist, and happen to be very sharp…)

- Clearance signs (most commonly found in parking garages, but also oftentimes found at Macy's)

- Low hanging objects

- The corners of doors (including, but not limited to, the corners of refrigerator doors, bathroom doors, push doors, pulls doors, Lamborghini doors, mini-van doors, doors that open and doors that close)

- Spider webs

- Beehives

- Flying squirrels

- Jumping squirrels

- Squirrels that resemble small cats

- Small cats

- Hanging opossums

- And many, many more objects

Bottom left: My arch nemesis. That right cabinet door doesn't stay
closed, no matter how hard you slam it shut with your forehead.

This world is a dangerous place. There are things out there whose only goal in life is to cause as much pain as possible. The worst part about it: tall people can’t fight back. Ever get into a scuffle with a metal cabinet? You’re walking away with a broken hand and a bruised ego and the cabinet just sits there, all smug-like, its shiny surface continuing to reflect light like nothing’s happened. Yeah, you really showed that cabinet who’s boss. 

Alright everybody, your turn. Tall and shorter people alike, I want to know the most painful thing you've ever hit your head on! Leave a comment below!