A major problem with being tall is shopping for clothes that
fit and look moderately decent on you. After a certain size (usually anything
larger than XL, depending on the brand), shirts start looking more and more
reminiscent of a square and less and less human-shaped. While this may not be a
problem if you’re a sponge and live in a pineapple under the sea, all the
humanoids out there are stuck garbed in shirts that make them look scarily similar
to a bell. To make matters worse, once you’ve invested in a square shirt, you
can only ever wear it once. The reason being for this is what I have dubbed the
“One Wash Policy.”
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| Only this guy can pull off a square wardrobe. |
First comes the purchase. The shirt you bought is already on the brink of being too short to wear, but long enough to cover the dreaded plumber’s crack. It’s not a tailored fit, but it’s acceptable.
The second step to this policy is the first day that shirt gets worn. Nothing too exciting happens here; you go out, look fabulous, then head back home and toss the shirt into the hamper.
Next is the wash. It’s laundry day, the most frightening day of the year (shower day being a close second), and all your clothes get stuffed into the wash. Absentmindedly, you select “normal cycle” on the machine, not realizing that the normal cycle’s default settings make use of hot water.
To make matters worse, the clothes are then transferred directly from the washer to the dryer, where it goes through another 35 minutes of terror.
The final step is the tragic realization of what has just occurred. As you remove the shirts from the dryer and start to fold them, you notice a change in shape. Much like the Grinch’s heart, the shirts came out two sizes too small. What was once a poorly fitting t-shirt has been transformed into a poorly fitting belly-shirt.
That, my readers, is the dreaded One Wash Policy – a crime against all things cotton.
Something I’ve always been curious about is whether or not shorter people have this same problem. This one goes out to everybody: how many shirts have you shrunk beyond recovery, and what do you do to prevent it?
So true, dude.
ReplyDeleteI bought three new Nike shirts a few weeks ago, and after one or two outings on the basketball court and a few selections from the closet, all of them have slowly become squares, just as you described. I always air dry my shirts, too. New, cheap Hanes t-shirts are especially guilty of this square-like transformation.
I guess I could sport a large, but I rather not be one of those dudes that looks like he's wearing his little brother's shirt, ya know?
And finding a shirt that is long enough to look like, well, a normal human's shirt, is nearly impossible. Oh, and shopping for shoes is a real pain in the arse. I wear size 13 (not too bad), but shoe stores usually only carry one pair of 13s in each popular style of said shoe. Therefore, if another human with large feet comes in before you and buys that one pair, you're forced to order in the store and wait. And wait. And wait.
There's no justice to be had for us taller humans, eh, Christopher? Lol.
Hahaha yeah man! I wear a lot of Hanes undershirts (the ones that come in those 3-5 packs) for work, and most of them don't even tuck into my pants anymore! I actually stretch my shirts after every wash before letting them air dry. I guess it'll end up saving me money at a laundromat. Shoes are another issue. I wear size 14 and have to try on shoes I don't like by the same brand to make sure they feel alright before I order them online. Oftentimes it's a coin toss whether or not I'll keep them.
DeleteHey Chris, the quality of clothes leaves much to be desired nowadays ... the cold, quick wash @ 30ยบ works best for clothing worn under normal duress ... anything hotter could mean the risk of shrinkage. This also applies to people like myself ... I'm a not so tall, not so short kinda gal. Honestly, the washer is a fabulous invention since my time of scrubbing boards but they are not yet intelligent enough to select your clothing by its size and decide to shrink it to normal size. Pls don't take that the wrong way Chris. You are a very normal boy ... u have'nt got a clue how to make the washer do the job like u want it to! LOL!! I suggest u get some training on the OS of said washer ;-)
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