My actions aren't my own. #TallPeopleProblems

Let’s focus on mini-golf for a minute. I feel like I can speak for almost all the tall people of the world when I say that it’s got to be the absolute worst activity ever invented. As Admiral Akbar would say, “It’s a trap!” As soon as I walk onto the course, I feel like Godzilla; buildings just start randomly falling over, bridges are tripping me up and the workers are telling me to “stop roaring.” The entire experience makes me wonder if so-called antagonists such as Godzilla and King Kong were really just misunderstood.

"Play with me!"  

Think about it, Godzilla was just a giant lizard, King Kong was just a really big gorilla and I’m just a tall human. The only difference is that they’ve gotten movies made about their accidents and I typically have to pay for the damages.

Usually when an individual is tall, their extremities are proportionate: they’ve got large hands, large feet and typically a larger head. While this isn’t bad in every scenario, the hands and feet can be rather cumbersome at times and the head makes for a decent sized target for inanimate objects (see Mar. 3, 2013).

Take King Kong’s unfortunate predicament for example: there he was just exercising his right to climb buildings when planes start shooting at him. He waves at them, obviously signaling his peaceful intentions, when quite on accident he hits a couple of planes out of the sky… Talk about epitomizing the clumsiness of big hands.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m King Kong, but my impressive wingspan has been known to knock over the occasional passer-byer. Similar to Mr. Kong (as I’m sure he’s referred to in his jungle) my intent is always pure and never malicious, it just so happens that my arms extend further than people usually expect. Needless to say, this is a problem that’s not easily remedied and that usually has me stumbling to spill out an apology before the victims have time to call in the air force.

Look at that face. He just wants to be loved.

Okay everybody, you know what time it is! I want to hear about incidents where you’ve on accidently injured someone or been injured by someone! Let it all out!... but do so in a polite, G-rated manner!